how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
