He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
