my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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