i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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