He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize