My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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