ya dads aren't the best wingmen
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I smell stomach acid.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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