Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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