I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
