it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
false alarm, still single
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
