I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
