He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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