Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
