I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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