Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
