I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
