No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
