Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
third nipple confirmed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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