I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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