OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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