I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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