Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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