I puked a lego.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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