the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
