You made me cry and you don't even care
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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