Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
