Heybabeimwearingurpanties
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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