Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
