I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
