He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
