life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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