well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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