1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Someone signed my nipple.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
