i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize