I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
