Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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