first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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