K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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