Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
