you have to choose: penises or morals?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
