your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize