i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
