you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
