i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
