the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
