Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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