All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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