Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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