omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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