She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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