she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
