I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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