i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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