I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
