I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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