let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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