He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
