he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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