Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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