Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
