I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
