I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
